I dont know if Im doing/thinking/feeling right, but my grandpa's situation (check on today's update on that post) is simply overwhelming.... I have this thought in my mind that if he doesnt make it, and this will be the last time I see him alive, I just dont want to remember him like that.... I want to remember him as how he was when he was just just a few days ago... That's the grandpa I want in my head, and not the new one....

Am I being selfish?? Am I a bad grandchild because I dont want to see him?? or be around him?? Or even take pictures of him?? Being there today really broke my heart, and I just dont want to be years and years just remembering how he was trying to convince me with his eyes and hands (as he cant talk) to let him out.... I dont want to remember that I had to hold his hands really tight a few times because he was strongly trying to take the nebulizer out.

My grandpa has always been one of those people that can talk to you about anything... You simply pick the subject, and he will tell you things that you didnt even know. If you say your name one day, a month later he will still remember your name: Both names and both last names (people use two last names in this country: Father's last name, and maiden name). His "thing" is talking, and that is the one thing that was taken away. Im sure he would have preferred to lose something else, and not his ability to talk.

Hubby will be spending the morning with him, and that will make me feel like "I am" helping somehow, even if Im not there, but I just really dont know what to do/think/feel. We will keep praying, and just hoping for a miracle if God understands if has to be done.

If your grandpa is alive and can talk, call him and let him know how much you love him, and make sure he answers back... And if you can, visit him and hold him tight.
Posted by Anelys Perez On 12:21 AM 7 comments

7 Lovely comments :

Arlene said...

Anelys, I'm so sorry to hear of your grandfather's condition. I went thru many years w/my grandmother who had alzheimer's disease and at one point didn't even recognize me anymore. It's hard, I know, hang in there, keep praying. I'll be keeping grandpa, you and your family in my prayers too. - Arlene

Heather said...

Im sad to hear you so torn about this but of course understandable. You are not being selfish, its a tough place to be in for everyone. My prayers are with you all right now.


The Garske's said...

I dont think you are being selfish at all! I know a lot of people who do the same thing!! Good luck and I hope it all goes ok!!

Flower said...

I don't think you are being selfish at all. Hang in there and Good Luck!
Big Hugs from Miami,

Momto3LittleFlowers said...

Arlene: Thanks for stopping by :) Aww, that not recognizing it's really difficult... The same thing happened to me with my other grandfather (dad's dad), and he had no idea who I was.... My grandpa (mom's dad) cant talk, but I can tell he recognizes me, or at least Im hoping, though! :)

Heather, Aimee & Flower: Thank you mamas!!

Anonymous said...

AYYYYY mujer I wish i could comfort you!!!!!! I kind of know what you are deelng with ....when i went to get FIFI this weekend I didnt see my grandpa at all and i was right outside his door .....he has alzheimers and cant remember me for 5 mins and its so hard to see him like that!!!! And my father has parkinsons and has a lot of trouble speaking.....its horrible and heartbreaking to see them getting older....i also just want to remember them the way they were :(

Momto3LittleFlowers said...

Erica: Awwww... I can imagine how hard that most be!!! ((((HUGS)))) to you.


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